Off and Running

I have had this thought of having a child for the past ten years.

I have been working with a natural doctor on my hormone levels for the past seven months.

I have been working with an RE for the past three months.

I have been on my first official TTC cycle (IUI#1) for three days.

And tonight, I have taken my first round of Femara.

Finally. A decade in the making and I'm finally making this happen.

The Reality of Realness

Now that I have made it through Thanksgiving, now is the time for me to focus on my upcoming cycle and my very first IUI. I've purchased the medications (Femara and Ovidrel) and it's just a matter of days before I will be taking them.

In preparing for this, I can only wonder... How did I come to this place? Why aren't I one of the lucky women who could just do this naturally, without any shots or pills or ultrasounds to measure follicles? I don't have any as-of-yet diagnosed infertility, but I am knocking on the door of PCOS and my progesterone is low so my RE feels that some assistance would be beneficial for me since I'm already 40.

I understand that way of thinking, but it really depresses me because I come from a family of breeders (for lack of a better word). The women had many babies, some didn't start until they were in their 30s! Some had children as late as 47, all conceived naturally.

I'll be honest and say that I always thought that I had time. I thought that I inherited those genes and I'd be able to conceive when the time was right. Turns out, that wasn't my legacy.

I will say that I'm so glad to have things to assist and I'm even more blessed to be able to pay for them since I'm not insured. I'm certainly not complaining. I'm just lamenting a bit, feeling a little sad that I have to admit that there is something not functioning properly in me.