It's been six days since my IUI and I'm thankful that I've been able to be busy with this holiday season to really focus on it. When I do think about it is at night when the strange dreams come. Last night, every time I closed my eyes I had very vivid dreams. In all of them I know that I am pregnant, even though it is very early on. It leaves me feeling shaky and strange.
Last night's dream stayed with me once I woke up. Not the actual dream itself, but the feeling that I had in knowing that I was pregnant. There was elation, but there was intense fear. I was scared that I wasn't pregnant but also afraid that I was. All of the fear (can I do this, was this the right thing, will I be a good mother) came filtering back in and I woke up with my heart pounding.
One thing that I do know is that I will have these fears. I will wonder if I should have done this or if I should have invested in moving myself to New Zealand as I had dreamed. But the reality is, there is nothing that I want more. And I accept the fear that will come - along with any and all joy, elation, trepidation, and happiness.
It's been six days since I took the biggest step of my life and for now, I just have to wait and see what the outcome is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I hope all of your dreams come true!
ReplyDeleteThe fear is pretty real, but so is the elation. I'm hoping your dreams are true - this wait is soooo hard!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how slow the wait must feel like....but I do hope you find cause for elation at the end of the wait!
ReplyDeleteOh good luck Cam! NZ will still be here once you have your baby :)
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