Sunday, December 26, 2010

Six Days

It's been six days since my IUI and I'm thankful that I've been able to be busy with this holiday season to really focus on it. When I do think about it is at night when the strange dreams come. Last night, every time I closed my eyes I had very vivid dreams. In all of them I know that I am pregnant, even though it is very early on. It leaves me feeling shaky and strange.

Last night's dream stayed with me once I woke up. Not the actual dream itself, but the feeling that I had in knowing that I was pregnant. There was elation, but there was intense fear. I was scared that I wasn't pregnant but also afraid that I was. All of the fear (can I do this, was this the right thing, will I be a good mother) came filtering back in and I woke up with my heart pounding.

One thing that I do know is that I will have these fears. I will wonder if I should have done this or if I should have invested in moving myself to New Zealand as I had dreamed. But the reality is, there is nothing that I want more. And I accept the fear that will come - along with any and all joy, elation, trepidation, and happiness.

It's been six days since I took the biggest step of my life and for now, I just have to wait and see what the outcome is.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

4 comments:

  1. I hope all of your dreams come true!

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  2. The fear is pretty real, but so is the elation. I'm hoping your dreams are true - this wait is soooo hard!

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  3. I can only imagine how slow the wait must feel like....but I do hope you find cause for elation at the end of the wait!

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  4. Oh good luck Cam! NZ will still be here once you have your baby :)

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